Empowering Counseling for Proactive Parents
Is there a rule book anywhere I can follow to proactively be a good parent
– or does a “good parent” even exist? Good parents do exist and pretty
much all of them have thoughts such as….
My child is struggling (anxiety, outbursts, tantrums, anger, depression,
self-esteem) and I don’t know how to help.
I’ve asked them 50 times to do their chores and they aren’t listening to
me – and now they’re getting older and are back talking and challenging
my authority.
I always said I would be better at parenting than my parents were, but I
now feel like that was a pipe dream and I’m doing this all wrong – maybe
even worse than my parents were with me!
First, let’s be clear… Parenting is hard and it’s normal
to feel exasperated and inadequate!
It’s hard enough to take care of ourselves, let alone being responsible for
other humans. The fact you’re even here reading this page says that
you’re doing a lot right because you are being mindful and proactive. At
the end of the day, we are all trying to do the best we can – we’re going to
have some wins and make some major mistakes, but a good parent is
going to be aware, stay grounded, and work on the stuff that needs work.
Social media doesn’t help any parent feel more adequate either. While
there are a ton of helpful tools, there are so many visions highlighting all
the perfect parent scenarios, which can actually highlight the disconnect
from what your home life looks like compared to theirs.
Feeling angry is totally normal – and very common! Anger because it’s a
natural stress response but it’s a secondary emotion. Underneath your
anger could be feelings of overwhelm, hurt, loneliness, fear, jealousy, and
guilt – among a hundred other emotions at any given point in the day.
Know that as a parent, you are to nurture and guide, but NOT to control.
These little humans and blossoming adults are following their own free-
will. The best you can do is be one of the voices of reason they choose to
hear instead of block out.
Help your child process their big emotions by
staying grounded yourself.
Many people come in to help their children, but one of the best things
you can do as a parent is to process what is getting triggered within
yourself first. Individual therapy can help you get a better handle on your
own emotions so you can in turn help your child more effectively while
they’re working out their big emotions.
Our primary approach in parenting work is to help parents understand
their own attachment patterns and how they could be showing up in their
parenting role. According to Pia Mellody, a pioneer in the field of
understanding the effects of childhood trauma on emotional
development, the biggest job as parents is to affirm, nurture, and set
boundaries. These are the foundation of a “functional” attachment
pattern, where the energy of the parent flows to the child.
We also help parents understand the stages of early childhood
development and teach tools like leaning in with empathy during difficult
situations. Let them know you understand their big feelings and show
them that you care without giving in to their demands.
Bottom line, being a parent is the hardest job you will
ever have.
If you would like support while navigating this tumultuous yet rewarding
journey, please don’t hesitate to get that support. Therapy can provide a
safe and cathartic space to laugh at the shenanigans while finding
efficient solutions to help you show up consistently as the parent you
want to be. We have a number of therapists on our team who specialize
in this area, and we’d love to set you up with a complimentary
consultation call – reach out today! 248-558-2052